Jan Avellana | Hazelnut Cottage

On Kelly Corrigan

{ Kelly Corrigan | I Dare You }

Have you ever come across something so profound, something that resonates so deeply within you that you are transformed? The discovery of Kelly Corrigan is just one such thing. Something about what she says, and the way she says it has lit a fire inside me. I have been carrying her words around with me for the last few days, growing pregnant from inspiration. I have head the quote: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”...I have heard it before, and always thought it to be true...for other people. Now the truth of it seems to have come true for me and God is using these videos by Kelly Corrigan and the upcoming e-class from Kelly Rae Roberts (on whose blog I originally found the “I Dare You” video) to dislodge me out of my stuck-ness and unknowing-ness towards more of who He created me to be. I can feel it happening. It is an odd, frightening sensation, this growing into your dreams. I don’t think I’m courageous enough...fear that I don’t have it in me...

{ Kelly Corrigan | Transcending }

But these words...these words move me. Remind me how short life is...challenge me to make the most of this journey...encourage me to feel my feelings a little more deeply, rather than just pushing past my life in my quest for comfort, avoidance of pain, and in the name of “getting things done”.

{ Kelly Corrigan | The Middle Place }

...it all makes me feel as if I am missing something so important...and I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, except to say I think it has something to do with not allowing myself to feel and to be fully present in the moment...until now, I’ve been so stressed out, so flustered with all the comings and goings of life that I’ve been barely even aware of how I’ve been living. Numbing myself with busyness, or inactivity or laundry. And I think I do it because I fear that if I let myself go, let myself really feel and be...that I will completely loose it and become undone. That I will unravel. And I fear I won’t be able to put myself together again. Does any of this make any sense whatsoever?

{ Kelly Corrigan | Lift }

OH! To write for my children so that I could chronicle every thought and feeling I have of them so that they will always have access to my voice. To make art, to leave a legacy of tangible things for them to hold when I am no longer here with them physically. The thought of the fleetingness and fragility of it all...doesn’t it make you ache inside?

What I’m Reading Now: Living the Creative Life

After our Christmas Dinner Date at Sansei Sushi restaurant (yes, I know it's April! that should tell you a lot about my crazy life!!!) this is what I bought for myself: “Living the Creative Life: Ideas and Inspirations from Working Artists”. I have already read through a bunch of it and oh, it's good, let me tell you.

“When creating is your life, it's difficult—if not impossible—to imagine a life without it, no matter the sacrifices. Not to do it would be not to be who you are, like forgetting everyone you've ever known in your life, or never again speaking the language you learned in childhood. To indulge your creativity, on the other hand, is to be truly free. It's like flying, like soaring...It's a constant struggle; creativity is freedom, and it requires freedom. There is a definite sense that creativity is not easy, that isn't encouaraged in any real sense. Oh, sure—we say we want everyone to be free to create, that we want to raise our children to be creative. But for most people, true creativity is pretty scary. It demands things of you. It requires attention and sacrifice. Think how much easier its is to take a regular nine-to-five-job, do the things most people take for granted: spending the evening watching TV, sleeping though the night without waking up to scribble or sketch or check on the progress of something drying in the studio. Think of that, and then think about how flat your life would be. Creativity, if it holds you in its thrall, is worth every sacrifice, every risk, every moment of looking at life from a slightly different perspecive from your family and friends and neighbors...”

After talking with my husband, praying, processing some really, really great advice from a few other indies (thank you jan!) and reading through this book, two things have become crystal clear. One is, I have unrealistic expectations for my business and myself right now. I want too much, too soon. And two, despite this realitiy, I still need to find a way to bring in more income working from home, whether it's through my business (which I know I just said still needs time to grow!) or through another 'work-at-home' venture. After going round and round in circles and trying to figure out affordable quality child care for my little one, it has really become clear that right now, I need to work from home. So there. It is 2:43am Hawaii time and I am finally feeling the fog lift; I don't feel as lost. (It only took me uh, 2 years to figure that out what most people could have told me at the get go!) Now, all I have to do is figure out what that other 'venture' is going to be and I'm all set!

Ha. Here we go again!