{ untitled :: work in progress :: © jan avellana, hazelnut cottage }
the real work in progress is my life. over the course of the last year and a half or so, i’ve been exploring mixed-media, painting, drawing, encaustic, digital art and more things than you might care to imagine. all this time i’ve been stumbling onto new loves, new techniques, always learning—especially from my mistakes. and there is always a sense that since i am only beginning, there will be a point where i will finally find “IT” and then my style will solidify forever and THEN and only THEN can i/should i/will i be able to send my art into the real world and allow myself to take more steps into the mixed-media world. until then, the plan is to fiddle around perfecting everything i make, but don’t really move forward too far because first i have to wait. for IT. for my style to unfurl itself and stop evolving.
tonight, i was reading sarah ahearn’s blog, an old post about one of the first paintings she ever sold, and it began to dawn on me that i will never reach a point of “arriving”. i am never going to get to that mystical place where my artistic style develops and then stops and allows me to go on my merry way—the same forever (the thing that i seem to be waiting for)—it is just not going to happen. i have to start moving forward now, as awkward as it feels.
cue in feelings of denial and momentary panic, and then, knowingness, yes, yes, a slow grasping of this truth. epiphany:
i am already “there”. this is “IT”.
seriously? yes, seriously. all of the fixing and perfecting, the self doubt and falling and getting up again, the learning and growing, and experimenting...this will continue on forever. my style will never reach a place of complete static. i—and my artistic voice and style—will continue to evolve over time...and it’s okay. better than okay even.
and i am sitting here with the understanding that i don’t have to wait anymore. this is “IT”. this is what “IT” is. these are the marks i make and the things i think, today, so we best be getting a move on. people, this is huge, HUGE, i tell you!
what epiphanies have you experienced lately?
