i am entering into a new year, a new season. my life always feels as if it’s in transition, and “temporary”, somehow, but i am realizing very quickly: transition and temporary IS my life. my life isn’t going to start “when i’m ready”, when i suddenly have a clean house, or when it becomes easy and convenient. the truth is, i am finding, it will never be easy or convenient to begin living.
the living starts here and now, in the midst of the play-doh smashed into the carpet, in the midst of tax season, while the studio is still a chaotic mess (it’s always a chaotic mess), in the middle of “i-will-really-start-living-and-being-happy-once-i-figure-things-out”. uh-huh, yeah, good luck with that.
the truth is, i have been waiting for who knows what. with every big and little choice i make, with every little step forward, a shift is beginning to happen inside of my heart. something is telling me, no more waiting. keep walking. keep moving forward. one step at a time.
so i’m walking through the doors, making choices, making changes. it’s scary and difficult and i don’t know if i’m making the right moves. when i said to my husband this weekend, “i don’t know if i’m what i’m doing are the right things or not” he looked straight at me and said matter of factly, “well, nobody knows. you only know looking back.” (so glad i married him, the mister!)
so here’s to doing our best, when our best is all we can muster. here’s to bravely walking through those open doors (and those not so open doors.) here’s to prying open a window now and then, when there are no doors to be had.
here’s to resting when we must, but to never giving up. :) onward.
