Jan Avellana | Hazelnut Cottage

letting go.

{let go :: digital illustration + mixed-media, work in progress}

"to live in this world

you must be able
to do three things
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go"

~mary oliver

the year, she’s almost over and i must say, i’m glad for it. just one more day of 2011--such a year, such a year. i feel as if i’ve travelled so far and wide, yet in some ways, i find myself in very much the same place as i’ve always been.

until this year, i hadn’t been to the mainland u.s., in, oh, a dozen years? and then this year--whammo! three trips; to seattle, to washington d.c. and chicago and then an emergency trip to las vegas to say our final good-byes to my father in law, earlier this month...in the rush of it all, i don’t think i told you about that one...his passing was unexpected and sad, yet even in this, God drew us near to Himself. the time we spent with steve’s family was a blessed time indeed. life is mysterious, isn’t it? i mean, the way events and emotions can be all mixed up, full of sorrow, tears of heartache and regret, sitting right next to love, laughter, wonder and sweetness.

art wise, well, i don’t know. i think it’s coming, but really, i don’t know. i’ve learned a lot about myself, tho’. like, i’m totally impatient (i literally can’t even wait for paint to dry), passionate, and once i get my act together--watch out! imma gonna trailblaze!!! but first, i gotta get my act together ;). sigh...and i also learned that when it comes to art, i have a really, really (really) hard time making choices and sticking by them. oh, i just do. but 2012--she’ll be different; better. oh yes she will.

so, here’s to letting go of the coulda, woulda, shoulda’s from 2011. here’s to letting go of the fears that kept me bound and trembling under the covers. to letting go of milestones passed, like pre-school for my baby (!) and embracing new milestones up ahead (kindergarten in 2012!). here’s to letting go of indecisiveness, to letting go of holding on too tightly. here’s to standing at the water’s edge with my arms wide open, trusting that God loves me down to my bones and will guide me always, this year, and the next, and the next...

what are you letting go of on this new year’s eve?

the year of choosing.

{ shine bright :: graphite + mixed-media (work in progress) ©jan avellana }

chris guillebeau over at the art of non-conformity blog is doing his annual year in review and looking forward posts and i am following along. here at hazelnut cottage i have been straddling the fence, waiting, waiting to make some huge decisions--choices to be more exacting--and now i am on the edge needing to make some choices and move forward. this is the year for me to embrace the change that’s coming, i can feel it.

where my artlife is concerned, it’s high time. time to allow myself to focus and commit towards a simpler and less spastic life and a more cohesive body of work. this may mean a new full-time or part-time job outside of my studio walls. i’m not sure yet, but i am opening myself up to these possibilities. i am learning to trust BIG TIME. it is scary, exhausting and humbling, these seasons of transition, with more unknown than known staring me down--eeeeek! and yikes!

the idea of “outside work”, is especially daunting to me (all of you indie artists probably have a good idea of what i’m talking about), but i have a small hope growing inside of me that if indeed God calls me to this, in addition to my artmaking, He will also find me work i can feel purposeful about, while working alongside people that will become family to me.

where my home and personal life are concerned, 2012 will be a season of self-sacrifice and opening myself up to changes i’m not sure i’m ready to make yet...still, sometimes life doesn’t wait--it just comes on at you, ready or not. and though i fear (and dread) some of it, i know that even in this time of refining, God is already with me, walking alongside of me and there will be unexpected blessing in the journey ahead, as there has been all along.

christmas 2011.

“for to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. and he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” ~isaiah 9:6

the joyfulest of christmases to you and those you love.

winter.

{my first time experiencing snow :: mount charleston, nevada, 2011}

i can’t quite put the words together to explain all that has been happening here these last few weeks, but i will try. even now, there is sorrow intermingled with joy and the little bits of life that go on regardless of what’s happening in and around you.

{annual hazelnut cottage show, 2011}

i had my annual showing...did i tell you that? it was nice. small and intimate, just the way i like it.

{my dad, manabu hongo :: congressional medal events, hawaii, 2011}

and i was able to celebrate the hawaii congressional medal of honor events with my father and family this past weekend...it was beyond wonderful. not only did i get to experience this with my dad, but the love and support that my family showed for my dad...i know he will cherish this weekend forever.

{extended hawaii and san mateo family :: honolulu, 2011}

{nevada, tokyo and d.c. family :: las vegas, nevada 2011}

in the end, it’s the relationships that matter most. our relationship with God, relationships with family far and wide. these are the things that sustain and strengthen us especially in those needful times.

wishing you and yours the best and brightest this christmas season...

xoxo

illustration friday: round

{bubblegum boy :: digital illustration + mixed media :: ©janice avellana, 2011}

after years of peeking at the illustration friday website, i’ve finally chosen to participate! knees-a-knockin’! this week’s theme is “round”.

it began as this:

and then i experimented with watercolor, so it became this

i’m not sure which is more successful yet; the digital version or the watercolor. each have their own feel and mood, don’t they?

here’s to trying again.