somehow, i have lost my voice. the things that used to come so easily and readily, the things i used to hunger for and relish--a blog post, a painting, interacting with so many dear friends online—these loves are nearly gone. i don’t know what happened, don’t know how i lost my way, but i have and it saddens me to no end. i can't seem to pick up a pen or a brush—not even to journal or sketch—...it’s just...gone.
really, i am at a loss.
there is so much in here, so much i could say, so much i could make art about, but the only voice i seem to hear these days is, “what’s the use?”
i know the only way back is to show up in the studio and play and make a mess and write with abandon without regard for how my offerings will be received, or even, if they will be received at all. i know the way back is to connect even when it's painful, even when i feel i have nothing to add to the conversation...i know i have to keep on.
so here is a blog post, on my once beloved blog. it is hard to sit here and write, harder still to click on that 'publish' button. but i write because i must and because the saner part of me knows that you will understand, that many of you have been there too, and there is a flicker of hope that i will survive this winter and that spring awaits me once more.
