what a peaceful looking photo...i could write a post about the sea, or about finding peace or something woo-woo, but that would be hiding and i’ve been doing too much of that lately, editing myself and laying low until i find i have something sunshiney to say. but what i was really thinking while i was standing there looking out to sea was...
...do you ever feel, just, well, scattered? as in, scatter-brained, scattered? no, no, i’m sure you have no idea what i’m talking about, right? i mean, am i the only one who goes to the living room three times only to forget what it was i went there for in the first place—-and OH! look, someone bought reeses peanut butter cups! and ouch! danged lego's on the floor, gah!-—and, uh, what was i looking for again?!
bad enough if i were just looking for my car keys (as if i would know what to DO with car keys), but really, scarily bad because it 'aint just car keys i’mma looking for. i’m looking for my art-life!!! and it isn’t that it’s non-existent mind you, on the contrary, it’s everywhere, in every medium i’ve been able to get my hands on this last year (year!) and truth be told, the last oh, 20 years, i’d say. silk ribbon embriodery, fresh plants, toile painting, soapmaking, encaustic, collage, photography, wheel throwing...oh. my. (there really IS something wrong with me!!!)
i comfort myself by saying, 'well, you gave yourself over to graphic design for a good number of years' and 'you fell in love and decided and chose your handstamped jewelry...you'll find that 'something' again'. i comfort myself by telling myself that i am capable of making choices, that i won't be wandering around lost, lost, lost F-O-R-E-V-E-R, that i’m just not there yet, but i will be...one day.
i tell myself to enjoy the journey, that my self-worth comes from God alone. i tell myself to learn to be present in each precious moment, to not worry, to not self-obsess, especially not to self-obsess. sheesh.
just sayin’.
