Jan Avellana | Hazelnut Cottage

home.

{ home. | mixed-media and acrylic © hazelnut cottage, jan avellana 2011 }

“with sweet memories as companions,

fleur began the long journey home.”

home is the people we can be ourselves with at the end of the day. it is the four walls and a roof that cocoon us from the elements and offer a warm, safe place to rest.

yet, sometimes, we wander, wander from the roots that ground us, leave those we love behind—at least for a time. and then sometimes our homes are broken. those that are supposed to love us best and deepest...they don’t...and sometimes we drift so far and wide we get lost, even to ourselves.

but the truth is, we are never lost to God. the wilderness and dark we fear are often the parts of the journey that hold the most answers for us, if we dare to pass through and keep on.

at times, there is overwhelming loneliness, depression and fear, palpable beyond words. but there is also dappled sunlight on this journey, the laughter of loved ones and friendships so true, so deep and loyal...and always the sweet memories, intimations and longings unknown, calling us home.

prosperity.

{ prosperity | mixed-media and acrylic © hazelnut cottage, jan avellana 2011 }

i struggled in the creation and naming of this piece. webster defines “prosperity” as the condition of being successful or thriving; especially :economic well-being. the long process of collaging and assembling this work helped me to work through my thoughts and feelings about being prosperous. somehow in my brain and heart i realize that at my core, i equate(d) wishing or intentionally working towards prosperity, with shameful greed. simply being able to acknowledge and accept that this is where i am, is huge.

sometimes i try to distance myself from my brokenness; i avoid and ignore. yet through art, God draws me back to the wounded places—to rebreak and then mend, to wash out and re-stitch, to heal and set free...not out of condemnation, but out of love.

oh, how i want to reflect and learn to embrace Godly prosperity without fear or shame, because of all things, shame makes you hide and i am so done hiding. take it all dear Father, and make it yours:

“she rose up with an open heart and said,

yes to the moon,

yes to the sun,

yes to the life

i’ve been hiding from.”

risk.

 

{ risk | mixed-media and acrylic © hazelnut cottage, jan avellana 2011 }

this one reads:

“first flights are risky,” said she.

then, after giving the matter much thought, she said to herself—

“well, i may loose a few feathers along with my dignity, but i am a bird after all. i think i shall give it a try.”

on my mind and heart when i was creating this piece, was the idea of risk and how hard it is to put yourself—and most especially your art—out into the world, because really, it is our very selves we offer up, saying, “this is how it feels to me. this is how I see it. this is what I think and how it looks and sounds to me.” it’s like exposing your tenderest places, your naked vulnerable self because there is something inside of you that needs to be born, to be expressed. and it never gets easier, risk never gets less scary or more comfortable.

what i think changes, is the me and the you. we get stronger, our courage muscles get bigger and over time we can choose (or not) to let the love in our lives sink down deep into our bones, let them nurture and transform us for the better. we can choose this. we can choose to act on the belief—that if we try and then utterly fail—we are still loved regardless of how well we perform or how successful we appear in the eyes of the world.

because the truth is that we are not what we do or what we, as artists make, even. we are loved because we are, with all our faults and weaknesses as well as for those pockets of glorious good that live inside of us. and if this is the truth, which i believe it is, then it is also the key to acting on the kind of risk that sets us free...

“then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

~john 8:32 (niv)