Jan Avellana | Hazelnut Cottage

learning to lean into my creative voice...

 

i have been searching, all my life it seems, for a love, a medium, a style that feels my own. it has taken many years of wandering and hours of exploration and play (and a good deal of angst) to get where i am today. one lesson i’ve learned (over and over again) is that there are many multitudes of artists living inside this body of mine, and i am slowly making peace with this fact.

one of those artists created this series (LOL!) and i know it’s safe to share with the world, now that i’ve loved them for more than a 24 hours in a row! (those of you who frequently flit among loves—you know what i mean!!!) here is the first piece, and there are 3 more that have already been born, and at least 5 more in the que, i think...

{ we grew brave | mixed-media and acrylic © hazelnut cottage, jan avellana 2011 }

this one reads:

    “i am so afraid,” she said.

    so i took her hand

    and we dreamed,

    and we wished,

    and we hoped,

    and we prayed,

    and together our hearts grew brave.”

this piece is about friendship and the courage we gather from the love we are given, and how that kind of love frees us from our fears to be who we can be. it is about blossoming, and blooming, becoming, and flying, and growing brave because of love.

i am looking forward to sharing more of this series of mixed-media pieces with you! originals and prints for sale in the shop, later this summer :)!

 
xoxo,

a quiet lunch on the port

the bubbly pink sodapop fizzed

oh, please don’t end, i thought

giddy as a child

i enjoyed my friends for an hour

 

what i made at artfest 2011.

{ unfiinished painting | artfest 2011 | 19" x 24" }

the first class i took at artfest 2011 was a painting course with jesse reno. so much info to glean and so little time! the class (and jesse himself) were chock full of information and new techniques for this newbie painter (me) and so here is an unfinished work i began in class. with only about 45 minutes to go, i had a discussion with jesse about my work and he suggested i try painting over all or part of this painting. i think what he was getting after was trying to get me to take a risk, maybe go for a different subject matter. in the end, i decided to think about it, and leave it for another time, to revisit it and see. if i had had another day or two with jesse, i probably would have taken this in a totally different direction, but i signed up for just one session with him and i didn’t want to leave my first day at artfest by starting all over again. all in all, even if my work is unfinished, it was a blast of a day, one that came to an end too soon!

{ untitled-1 | tar and encaustic series }

the next class i took was with patricia seggebruch who was teaching an 'encaustic + plaster' class. it was so much fun and luxurious to play all day, uninterrupted (except for a quick lunch)...and boy, what a mess we all made!

{ untitled-2 | tar and encaustic series }

of all the pieces i made this day, i think this one got some of the most enthusiastic reviews! i began with a layer of tar (the brown stuff), which i LOVE! you just have to try this. and then i tried to do a strip of what at the top, which dripped uncontrollably (such is life), so i went with it. then i turned the piece upside down and—being in the pacific northwest—the white drips suddenly looked like tree trunks, so to me, it became a forest. later, i went on to inscribe about being lost in a forest, looking to find my media and voice as an artist...

i’d have to say that the inscription part is my least favorite since it’s too messy and undefined for my tastes, but it was a good experiment!

{ untitled-3 | tar and encaustic series }

this is the last of my 3 part series with tar and wax. the way the white wax accents the peaks of the tar is simply delicious. you just have to try it—trust me. it seemed to tell me that i needed to put that bit of spine right across the top there and that this creepy little girl wanted a place to be. so i did. thank you to crystal neubauer for gifting me with a gigantic ziplock bag of goodies that she hauled from chicago to seattle!

{ memories of seattle | 2011 }

here is my experiement with color. i wanted to challenge myself to work with colored wax on at least one piece before i left artfest, and this was it. i layered black, brown, yellow, blue and white and scraped away with a razor blade to reveal the layers. the result had me “seeing” seattle’s cityscape and so i drizzled the top, wax over plaster portion with blue handwritten script from an old letter to symbolize the rain that seattle is so well known for (even tho’ it didn’t rain much the entire time we were there!) usually when i travel i look for a piece of art to remember the trip by; this is my souvenir piece of art that i came back with. :)

{ the red thread, 3 x 6ish | encaustic, vintage ephemera, thread }

“an invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance.  the thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.” ~chinese proverb

this piece was meditative for me. it was small, and therefore not as intimidating, and so it became my “warm-up” piece, the first piece i sat down to do in trish’s class at artfest 2011. i love words. and books. and writing. these are my things. and what i wanted to say with this piece is that i have so many parts, so many things to say, bits of me here and there that are torn, which never seem to come together in any meaningful way. this was my attempt at tying the disconnected parts of me together into a meaningful and cohesive piece. the red thread weaves in and out of some of the strips of paper, all adhered together with wax, and ends up in a mangled heap. my hope is that the pieces of my life will continue to come together, bound by a red thread to lead me to more and more of my life and to hopefully meet myself along the way. like a book that gets bound into a story, i yearn for the letters of my life to become words, words to give way to sentences and paragraphs, chapters and books.

through getting there by getting there, i think i am on my way...

building community.

{ me, april and cathy | seattle 2011 }

still slowwwly readjusting to the atmosphere here on earth, having come back from artfest and seattle just last week (or was it the week before last?) sigh...we three have talked about a girl trip for eons and never thought it would happen and then it did. my trip to washington would not have been anywhere near as amazing as it was, if i did not have these awesome women by my side.

i first met april (hereafter known as ape)—the girl in the middle—back in high school, but we weren’t really friends back then. fast forward to 2000, when we were both hired as new teachers at royal elementary school; this would be her first year teaching and my second. we became fast friends (pre-kids) and the two of us would often meet up for shopping, for dinner after work with my husband and our childhood friend mike. then, for our 10th wedding anniversary, steve and i announced we’d be going to japan to celebrate and invited mike to come along (we had been inviting him for years), saying that it would probably be the last time in a long while, that we’d be going. to our surprise, he said “yes”. and then april said, “well, i’m coming too!” and it was on that trip that april and mike fell in love and now they are married and have one son. in between we have seen the best and worst of each other, have logged in hours upon hours over coffee and dessert, been there to fight and make up, shop and eat and surf (well, me sorta, her yes!) and have been there for her wedding, and to witness the births of our children. we have debated and wondered about c.s. lewis’ writing, agonized over our artmaking, shed and shared tears and hugs.

cathy (hereafter known as cat) and i go back to college days. we met somewheres around 1989. my first memory of cat is that she was soooo healthy, opting for a purely vegetarian pizza at a pizza making party. we were 19 back then. a few years later, i would help coordinate her wedding, and a several years later we were there to witness the birth of each of our children. we each concieved our second child days apart. in between all of the weddings and births there have been many mischief making outings, hiking, beach going, running, kickboxing and sleepovers. there have been sobbing tears, laughter, numerous scoldings endured from our husbands for getting into trouble doing something together they deemed dangerous and times when there are just no words, times when we just listen and cry together, and always a loving heart that receives me with grace and compassion. oh, she looks dainty and pretty and all, but this woman can kick butt and has shocked me with some of the things she says (i mean that in the best way possible)!

and then there is crystal, here on the left. i first met crystal neubauer online, on august 1, 2009 when i happened to stumble upon her etsy shop and her gorgeous encaustic collages. soon after, i read through pages and pages of her blog and knew she was a kindred spirit. i sent her a brief email saying how much i enjoyed her work and her process and to my delight, she wrote back. we have been at it ever since, penning long, (sometimes book length) emails to one another. the connection i felt was immediate, first through her work and then through her letters (emails). i am forever grateful that she took the time to respond to me, and that out such humble beginnings, a deep and rich friendship has formed, one that transcends oceans and miles. to be able to meet crystal face to face and sit down at dinner with her is one of the most memorable moments in my life. when she heard i was coming to artfest, the woman flew up to washington from chicago so that we could all meet!!! she is the kindest, sweetest woman, so thoughtful and deep and i am blessed to call her friend and wishing, oh wishing that she wasn’t thousands of miles away.

and then there is sue simpson, here on the right. i had the privilege of meeting sue online jsut last year through crystal, who knew we shared so many similar thoughts, struggles and passions. and she was right! online we have shared our deepest fears, our craziest, zaniest thoughts and our bravest versions of ourselves. we practice being vulnerable together. her artwork is a bold swath of color and cheer that never ceases to inspire me, with her witty use of everyday objects juxtaposed in unique applications...the woman sees. sue gives the best bear hugs. she is kind, smart, and funny and her energy is like sunshine. i suspect that there is a mama bear inside of her and am happy to have been adopted! (sue, did you know i consider myself adopted by you?!)

if all i ever get out of this art life is these women and their friendship, i am a blessed woman indeed. everything else that comes with being an indie artist is GRAVY, i tell you, gravy. these women have my back, they do. they are what julia cameron calls my “believing mirrors”; they mirror back to me the truth of who i am, tell me that who i hope to become is possible. they love me, just for me. oh, how blessed i am to have this community, one person at a time. and there are other amazing people in my life, so many that i could write a book about them. you know who you are. yes, YOU!

i’d love to hear who your community is. even better, feel free to write a blog post and leave a link here, in the comments so that we can all follow along. thank you for being a part of my community here :) on this little blog.

twilight.

twilight,
leaving behind the girl.
returning, returning,
new
to be what i am.
she who laid down her life,
utterly spent
from tilling the ground—
her day is done
to sleep, to sleep.
and now,
you who remain—
unfold the life that has been given to you
from the seeds she has sown
all these long years
watered by her own tears during the deep winters,
with only a dream of a growing season
yet to come.
reap the life that is your life—
the bud,
the seed,
the flower,
the thorn,
gather them up,
and bind them
with string,
a bouquet for the girl
at twilight.

what is your red balloon?

“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves...”
~Mary Oliver

i am wondering...is this true? for art, in particular, i mean. does it really start there, with a love? and what do you do if your body loves many, many things (too many things, if there is such a thing)? hmmm? it’s all so confusing. someone, please tell me what to do already (so that i can promptly disagree with you)...chuckle. i am coming to a few answers for myself lately...is it safe to say it here? lean in, will ya’, so’s i can whisper it...i think i love to paint. there i said it. it’s fun, mostly, even tho’ i dunno what i’m doing yet, really. i love to paint. i love to paint. i love to paint. (well, and i love lots of other things too, but for now in this moment, i’m giving myself to painting :) my next question is...what do i paint?! oh, so many decisions for this indecisive soul. how does one chooose a subject matter to dive into? does that start with a love too?

does it all really, truly come down to love?

ideas on the noggin’...

it is becoming more apparent to what my natural inclinations are and how often i fight against and filter out my ideas and initial gut feelings about my artwork. part of this is learning to really see what i make when i want to “just play” and the other part of this process is learning to accept what i see; to accept myself and my ideas without smooshing them into a neat little box that will conform to my ideas of what my end goals are and how to get there.

what i’m discovering about my artistic likes and dislikes, loves and passions is freaking me out because if i am honest with myself, the art i want to make a lot of the time—the sketchbooks of ideas i have—don’t fit into my preconcieved notion of where i want all of this to lead. i seem to like three dimensional works, i seem to love texture and mood and words, oh, definitely words and meaning. do i dare?

will i have to courage to be as pure with my art as i can, to create in such a way that i allow my insides to be exposed? will i be able to finally, get out of my own way? what do i honestly believe about God’s plans for me and what my role in all of this really is?

back from artfest 2011 | seattle, washington

thoroughly enjoyed seattle’s pikes market with my girls. lived every single minute of this trip...enjoyed the chilly weather and all of the sights and sounds. seattle is one beautiful city!

this trip was the stuff of dreams. look! i got to meet crystal nuebauer and sue simpson and we got to sit and gab and be in each other’s presence for a few precious hours. thousands of miles apart and yet, we are joined together as sisters in Christ through a thing called the internet. can’t quite wrap my head around that one. i wish i could’ve stayed another week or two—there was just so much goodness and so many wonderful things to do and see and not enough time.

and here i am at artfest! port townsend is such a beautiful, beautiful little town right on the water. we got a good bit of sunshine along with the cold breezes. a wonderful atmosphere in which to make lots of art!

i took trish seggebrauch’s encaustic/plaster class. so much fun and a great group of women, along with a warm and knowledgeable and instructor. here, we are letting our plaster dry in the sun!

here is my workspace, inside. we turned off the heat so that the wax and other applications could dry more quickly...brr! i was so productive, it was amazing! in that one day workshop, i think i finished about six pieces...normally, this amount of work would take me about two or three months to complete!!! wow. i CAN be productive! (images of the finished pieces coming soon—i had to ship my artfest stuffs back separately.)

i also learned tons in jesse reno’s class. the man has lots of wisdom and passion. can’t wait to try out more of his techniques as soon as my supplies arrive back here, safe and sound! i was a bit sick and on (legal over the counter) drugs, but aside from that, it was a fun class.

...work in progress...i went to artfest and did this. i can’t believe i went to artfest. i went to artfest. wow...

and the food. oh. my. here is a roasted pear and gorgonzola, pecan salad that i devoured. i ate the rest of my meal, forgetting to take pictures!

super duper fresh clams, gobbled up by cat and april. i, sadly, am allergic to all shellfish, but the girls said it was the best clams they ever had. yum!

and oh! we discovered a tiny little french bistro in fremont, where we had our last dinner. i loved, loved, loved this place. dark and cozy, awesome food, a bit noisy, but simply perfect. definitely must come back here again.

and on our very last day, we stumbled upon this place. probably my favorite shop in oh—all the world. there are no words. just go.

seattle, artfest, girls, i am missing you all today...

i’m leaving on a jet plane...

(thank you sue simpson for putting this song in my head!)

{ bishop museum, honolulu, hawaii | circa 1964 }

at about this time tomorrow, i hope to be sound asleep on the jet plane carrying me from honolulu, hawaii to seattle, washington!!! can you just imagine my snoopy happy dance?! yes, well, i just trust me on this one—it’s really not something anyone needs to see :)!

these are the fabulous ladies i am travelling with!!!

this picture was taken during a girl-overnighter at the turtle bay hotel, several years ago, before any of us had babies. :) cat is there on the far left and ape is in the middle (cat and ape!) and there’s me over there on the right. cat and i have been friends for 23 years (!!!) and april and i met in high school, but didn’t really know each other until we taught at the same elementary school back in 2001. we have been through thick and thin together, we three. have helped with each other’s weddings and births. have been there to wipe the snot out of each other’s hair when there were no words, just heaving sobs, have been there to celebrate the years together.

AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS GOODNESS, i get to meet crystal neubauer and sue simpson, dear, sweet online friends and fellow artists. these women have been what julia cameron calls my “believing mirrors”, mirroring back to me truth and helping me to keep going, one step at a time. AND i get to take a class from and meet trish baldwin seggebruch!

all of this aaaannnnddd i get to take three days worth of art classes at artfest!!! i can’t stand it i tell you! :) :) :)

...and did i say it is going to be COLD?! brrrrrr! when the temperature hits the 60’s here in hawaii, we all break out our sweaters and futons (thick blankets) and bundle up! hmmm...wonder what 23 degrees feels like?!

and want to know one of the best, most unexpected blessings of this whole adventure? well, i’ll tell you: my friends, my family, so many wonderful and kind people wishing me happiness and saying how excited they are for me with their whole hearts, and so many people offering friendly advice and loaning me scarves, jackets, bags and my husband and children all saying, “have a great time!!!” i am taking every single one of these people with me on this trip; i carry you in my heart. i will have so much to share (i apologize in advance!) when i return to you, enlarged (and hopefully not just around the waistline) and enriched :). i am beyond all things, blessed...and so very grateful...

love,

 

 

 

about traveling...

dear friends,

i have been busy tying up loose ends before i leave next week for artfest. i am going to artfest. my very first art retreat. i can hardly keep it together, just thinking about the magic of all of this and finding that even more than all of the art i get to do, i get to spend uninterrupted time with people i love (and don’t often get to spend time with)! time to explore new territory (i’ve never been to seattle!) and time to take creative risks and see what more is inside of me.

there is something about travel that makes me come alive, the planning, the dreaming, the living.

...and then there is the shopping.

girls, you know what i mean. one of the things this trip is showing me is how much i normally do without. living in hawaii, a stay at home, work at home mom really needs very little in the way of a wardrobe, especially a girl like me whose idea of “getting ready” is to run a comb through my hair and brush my teeth. yep, a pair of shorts, a tank top and some rubber slippers is pretty much all i need to make me happy as far as a wardrobe goes...and now, after trying on wintery clothes and buying a few outfits, i realize i’d forgotten how an outfit can make you feel, well, special. you know how that gorgeous black silk dress can all of a sudden make you feel womanly, elegant...it almost makes you feel new.

i am finding that over the years (especially the last 7 kiddie years) i’ve been putting so many little pleasures on the shelf for “later”, sort of living in a perpetual state of fasting...in a kind of survival mode where only the essentials get lived out (and sometimes not even those). oh, i’m not talking materialism mind you, or excesses even. i’m talking about putting the idea of living up on the top shelf for “later”. but when mind you, is “later”?

it’s been five years since i last traveled anywhere; tokyo, japan was my last trip and it has been at least a good ten years or so since i’ve been to the mainland U.S. i am so grateful for this trip, already. i am wanting to spend “special” time with my three boys becuase i am leaving soon...i am wanting to find that perfect shade of lipstick because it makes me feel pretty...i am enjoying dreaming about all of the things and people i will discover...i am talking with God about it all and smiling inside everyday, in spite of the chaos that swirls around me sometimes...and i wonder to myself, isn’t this how i could (and should) be living—mindfully, purposefully, joyfully—everyday of my life?

how about you? what lessons are you learning along the way?