Hazelnut Cottage

Breakthroughs?

This song is ministering to me right now...it’s called “Voice of Truth” by Casting Crowns:

Download 03 Voice Of Truth

A section of the chorus goes:

…But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I had a breakthrough of sorts last night (!) when I was finally able to stop thinking about making art and just made some. Art that is.

…finally…papier mache…and I must admit, that by the time I was done mixing up the pulp, I was already falling out of love with this new media! Ha!…But, I am looking forward to painting everything up when it dries thoroughly and I’ll perhaps take a few picts to show you :)…

…old leger paper…

…a cheapie brush and globs of gel medium…

 

…my base for mixed media collage…

And as I was working with these different media, there was a eureka moment. I think I am a mixed media artist who currently makes jewelry for a living. Now, this is a scaaaaarrrrryyyyy thought. It just is on so many levels. And it’s one of those things that you know, but you say, “Oh, I just don’t know”, but really, you do.

So, here I go again. Stepping out in faith again, hoping that I am on the verge of discovering a new passion, a new love! And realizing that yes, The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory”!

For the first time in such a long time, I feel excited! And un-stuck! Now, to see where this all leads :)...

An Artist on Benadryl

So, two days ago, on our last official day of summer before the hubby went back to work, we went to the zoo! YAY! And then I got bit by an ant. BOO! 48 and some odd hours later, my teeny leetle ant bite is now the size of my outstretched hand and spans from my inner thigh to my knee. A huge 3 ringed circle that is intensely itchy, hot and sore all at the very same time. Lovely. (I will spare you the actual photo image.)

I finally gave in and took some Benadryl tonight and now, I’m waiting for the buzz to hit. In the meanwhile, I’m busy finishing up orders, blogging, and doing my usual internet surfing and thinking about all the art I could be doing (!). Julia, please help me!

I have been in a funk lately, in that in between space of getting from here to there. I soooo want to make all kinds of art, but I am stuck in my head thinking about it and I cannot get out! I even bought some new supplies, but my current excuse is that I have to finish my jewelry orders (which I really do) and then I have to clean my entire art space because it is such a mess (which it is) before I can even attempt to paint, or whatever it is I’ve been thinking of trying for the last say, 6 months of my life.

Ugh.

I seem to have so many (great!) ideas, and if you, any of you were to come to me with them, I’d cheer you on! But for some reason, I just can't. Get. Started.

Well, whenever I do, I’ll post some of what I’ve done. Maybe that will motivate me, give me a reason. (Oh, why can’t “because I want to and it’s fun” be a reason? I think I’m talking in circles now. I think it’s the Benadryl.

Nite all...

My Heart

This season is so full of transitions, those milestone markers that you look back on years later, which serves as a point of reference for other experiences. Some of these milestones (I am finding) are sweet, like the birth of my sons, while some are bittersweet with a tinge of loss, like my older one starting kindergarten soon. A step towards independence and growth, a step away from babyhood and from mom and dad being his everything. And he just can't wait. He's so excited to start school it seems that he will burst sometimes and so we talk about it a lot. What it will be like. What to expect. How to behave and work hard and not give up. How to deal with kids who make trouble to him. And we talk about the real emotions too. That I will be there to drop him off and pick him up and how we might miss each other, but that's okay because we'll see each at the end of each day (“Uh huh, yah mom, I know”). It sounds so silly even reading this, but you moms out there, you know what I mean. I see myself as a fairly strong, independent, non-emotional woman…but my babies make me into a jello-ey puddle sometimes.

And in the midst of all this, new revelations completely separate from my kiddos. It seems God is stirring the waters of my heart again. I was able to (blessed to) do a little art project along with a devotional on Esther, with a few women from the women’s ministry group at my church. It was, surprisingly, lovely and I do not say that lightly. I know how that sounds. But I was. Surprised. (Because past experiences with some have taught me that women are not “safe”, so avoid them and by all means do not open your real heart up to them because they are not to be trusted.) And so, now, I am a bit alarmed that it was so lovely. It was pleasant. I didn’t have that “I-JUST-WANT-TO-LEAVE-NOW-AND-WHO'S-BRIGHT-IDEA-WAS-THIS?” feeling. That is huge. And it was fun. And I enjoyed myself and let my guard down for a few hours this Saturday morning.

God has been showing me that I have unforgiveness in my heart that needs to be dealt with, healed and released once and for all. And not just about the whole women’s ministry thing, but with individuals as well. (DIDN’T I DEAL WITH THIS ALREADY?!) And I don't want to do it. Well, of course, what I mean is, I just want to get to the “release” part already and skip over all the “work” and “pain” part.

So, I don’t know where this will all lead, but it seems that just maybe part of my life is coming to me. Or, I to it. And I am feeling a bit excited and a lot anxious and resistant.

Could God really want to use this broken, cracked, misshapen vessel to encourage other women? It doesn’t seem wise (not that I question God’s wisdom if He does indeed have this in mind, but you know what I mean). And I really don’t think I can do it. It’s more than a feeling of inadequecy; it’s true. What I think I can do, though, is say what I’ve learned NOT to do! I could share my missteps, the errors of my way, the things I struggle with…So, in any case, I’ll have my ears and heart as wide open as I can, and do my best to follow His leading, trusting as best I can that He is the Good Shepherd, leading me to greener pastures...walk beside me, won’t you?

What is God doing in your life these days?

**SALE** at my Etsy shop!

Sale at the shop! From now, until Monday, July 20th at midnight my time, Hazelnut Cottage on Etsy will be having a summer sale! 15% off and free shipping on all orders! Yippie!

A Trip to Frankie’s Nursery

Frankie’s Nursery in Waimanalo is a farm, specializing in tropical fruit. You can go and pick everything from rombutan, lychee, mangoes, sapodilla and surnam cherries to mountain apples, lemons, limes and tangeries. The list goes on and on! The trees were a bit bare when we went, as some things are out of season and the nursery recently had a large influx of fruit pickers, but it was fun, nonetheless!






Oh, it’s been such a lovely summer!

How to Get from Here to There…

So, how do you get from here to there? What I mean is, I have a vivid picture in my mind of the life I want to live, the life that I think wants to live in me, the life I thing comes from God’s design, His knitting of my inward parts (hah! I almost typed in 'farts'!), but the question is, how do I get there?

How do I get a tiny cottage in a safe neighborhood for me and my family? How do I find my media since I very much feel like an artist without an artform. Do I go back to “work” full-time for a few years, save, save, save and then leave again to do my art? Would I have the gumption to leave again, if I should go back? If you know, even a teeny house here (unless you live on the outer edges of space) is astronomically out of reach for lots of normal people...

And do I have to go back to school to train in my artform or can I be self-taught (somehow I already know the answer to this, but I think it all the time anyhoo) ? And what if I can’t decide on anything, really? It all seems so interesting to me, though, I tend to try things out, get to the point of boredom or else it gets too advanced and TECHNICAL and I lose all interest. Or else I really enjoy it, but stop for oh, whatever reason. Life.

Right now I am waivering between ceramics and collage art and for some unknown reason I feel a need to choose between the two. I don’t know why that is, but it’s really how I feel, and so because I can’t decide, I end up not doing anything. In fact, these days, I’ve been looking at my jewelry. Just looking at the pieces.
Lying there. In the heap of soup that the cat made as she walked to and fro across my bead mat.

I feel like a need a mentor to give me a talking to, drag me to art classes and introduce me to the right peoples. And help me find my artform, because I know there is “the one” out there for me (the way other people look for a soul mate), I just know it!

So if you have any ideas of how I can get from here to there, I’m all ears!!

Losing the Trail…

Well, I am officially lost. Business-wise, art-wise, jewelry-wise. I forget where I was going. However, I am enjoying summer with my family IMMENSELY, so all is not lost! Instead of creating, I’ve been busy getting nice and toasty brown and just came back this week from a stay at an ocean front beach house out in Ka'a'awa on Oahu.



…here is the beach right off of the master bedrooom…with all these summery distractions, can I really be blamed for losing focus?!



…there are just soooooo many other things to do during the summer…like soaking up time with my little guys (here’s the wee one)…



…even inside, yummy, yummy surroundings…what a gorgeous bath full of swaths of natural light!…



…more…



…such pretty bedding…



… ! ! ! …



…kiddie bubbly fun…



…and if I don’t think about being eaten by a shark, I have discovered a brand new hobby-love…fishing from a kayak on the ocean…LOVE!…



…and torching! First time for me, and just a wee bit scary (as in, don’t step on any eels, in any holes, and what-was-that-I-just-felt-wrap-around-my-leg?!)…



…i promise to save my money…



…for my next beachhouse stay…I’m addicted!