Jan Avellana | Hazelnut Cottage

to loosen my heart.

“i will not die an unlived life.
i will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
i choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
i choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.”

~ fully alive - dawna markova

things i think i cannot do.

“you gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...you must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ~eleanor roosevelt

most of the time, i have a clear image of what my ideal life looks like, where i want to go with my art, the kind of life i want to build. i'd like to say that i also have a clear idea of the kind of art i want to make, but i am still in the phase (it is a phase, isn't it?!) of having this change moment by moment--this huge piece of the puzzle that is my life, i'm not sure about.

and this uncertainty, this lack of clarity is the kind of thing, that from time to time causes me to have dry heaves of panic over my life and the kind of legacy i will leave, most especially for my children.

yet, the only way to build that legacy, to figure things out, to find my artistic voice is to keep trying, over and over and over again, and this, my friends, takes courage.

here is my list of 'things i think i cannot do' and what i'm going to do to face them fears in 2012:

1. drive.
yes, it’s a long story, and an ongoing one at that. how am i going to face this fear? well, by driving, that’s how. (EEK!)

2. find and develop my artistic voice.
sometimes i think that i will never, ever, ever find 'it'. so, in 2012, this means making as much art as i can.

3. live with legacy on my mind.
i tend to live life in a kind of haphazard, put out the fires sort of way. i want to live with more intentionality this year. i want my choices to be guided by God and to be full of life. what do i want to leave behind when i am no longer walking this earth?

4. get a healthy perspective on money.
i have a long way to go with this one. 'nough said.

5. figure out what i really, really, really want in life.
i need regular retreats to refocus myself. time to steal away with God to talk things over and just be. and then, i have to have the courage to take action, make changes and let go of things that aren’t helping me get where i want to go.

6. continue to build towards a life of abundance for myself and my family that includes me making a thriving living through my art.
see #2. this one i find, really, really hard; impossible almost. in order to do this i’ll need (in addition to other things): time, capital, help, persistence and faith.

7. be in the healthiest physical shape possible.
this means losing weight, seeing a shrink (no kidding), eating real food, sleeping at least 8 hours and exercising regularly.

how about you? what’s your list of 'things i think i cannot do'? consider yourself challenged :). please post a link to your list in the comments below :).

you are not alone.

you are not alone.

let me say it again. despite appearances at the randomness of life, you are not alone. there is a God who loves you, who draws so near to us, we cease in our human-ness to discern Him at times, but He is right there with you. and with me. right now, in this very moment.

and the bits and pieces of your life, your worst worries, your terriblest angst is known to Him, your Father, the one who loves you.

especially for those whose life’s work is largely untraditional--the artist, the writer, the dreamer--you know who you are, the path you seek is often dark, and much of the time without nary a sign post to point the way. it can get exhausting and downright lonely. i know because this is the path i’ve chosen too, or rather, it has chosen me.

so i just wanted to remind you (and me), that you and i are not alone. we don’t only just belong to God (though thankfully, you do), we also belong to this community of people who are trailblazing their own paths in this life. to this tribe of artists, and this tribe of unconventional thinkers and to me and i, to you. yes, we do. and for that, i am truly grateful.

email me anytime or leave a comment below and tell me, do you ever feel alone? what have you found that helps to encourage you during these times? i love connecting with you, my dear readers and friends.

you are not alone.

you are not alone.

let me say it again. despite appearances at the randomness of life, you are not alone. there is a God who loves you, who draws so near to us, we cease in our human-ness to discern Him at times, but He is right there with you. and with me. right now, in this very moment.

and the bits and pieces of your life, your worst worries, your terriblest angst is known to Him, your Father, the one who loves you.

especially for those whose life’s work is largely untraditional--the artist, the writer, the dreamer--you know who you are, the path you seek is often dark, and much of the time without nary a sign post to point the way. it can get exhausting and downright lonely. i know because this is the path i’ve chosen too, or rather, it has chosen me.

so i just wanted to remind you, that you are not alone. you don’t only just belong to God (though thankfully, you do), you also belong to this community of people who are trailblazing their own paths in this life. to this tribe of artists, and this tribe of unconventional thinkers and to me and i to you. yes, we do. and for that, i am truly grateful.

email me anytime or leave a comment below and tell me, do you ever feel alone? what have you found that helps to encourage you during these times? i love connecting with you, my dear readers and friends.

35% OFF CLEARANCE SALE AT HAZELNUT COTTAGE!

earlier i wrote a bit about letting go and about my word for the year—which is really more of a phrase—since my “word” is “the year of choosing”. it’s only just january 10th, 20120—just 10 days in (!!!) and already 2012 is hitting me fast and hard.

recovering from a death in the family in december, and now an illness (not me), and a health scare (me), all i really want to do for the rest of january is h-i-b-e-r-n-a-t-e. crawl into bed, lock the door and hole up with a few great books and some chocolate...lots and lots of chocolate.

you see, i had to take a nuclear stress test last week (eek!!!) and today i got the results back. normal. a test PROVED that i am normal!!! well, my heart, leastways, hahaha and phew!

but life goes on, don’t you know. it just does. and so i am doing my best to make life simpler and less stressful. i am doing my best to lean into the madness and one of the ways i am doing this is by refocusing my efforts at the shop at hazelnut cottage.

i am clearing it out! yep, i am...

WITH A 35% OFF SALE AT THE SHOP!!! NOW THROUGH MONDAY, JANUARY 16TH, 2012!

i am making room for some SUPER DUPER BRAND NEW AND EXCITING NEW (did i say “new” again?) items, coming this spring to hazelnut cottage! i am taking hazelnut cottage in a brand new direction and i am going to paint and play and explore in the studio with more mixed-media goodness, just you wait and see.

so check back soon :). these are exciting times, i tell ya, exciting!!!