“One life on this earth is all we get, whether it is enough, or not enough, and the obvious conclusion would seem to be that at the very least fools if we do not live it as fully and bravely and beautifully as we can .” ~Frederick Buechner
I know how silly and ridiculous this sounds, but I have to level with you in complete and vulnerable honesty. I need your permission to try. I need your friendship to tell me that you will still love me if I make a mess of things and if I don’t do this next step of my journey well. I need to hear that it’s okay to make big creative mistakes and to try out different ideas and to not be anywhere near perfect. I need to hear that it’s okay if all of the art I bring into the world doesn’t “match” or have a clearly delinated style…because I’ve come to the realization that in order to get “there” I NEED to go through all of these ideas and artmaking and ideations…and mostly I need to hear that it’s okay for me to be happy and to seek out that happy life with my whole heart, even if no one understands my needs or shares them.
My fear of failure is debilitating. What if it doesn't work? What if I mess up and confuse people by all the different art and passions that come out of me and I water down whatever 'brand' I have going? What if nobody likes what I make? What if what I try is AWFUL, horrid, blech?! What if I fail in public? What if I don't really have what it takes—talent, the eye, the right aesthetic, perseverance…“it”? What if I can’t do it? What if this is all there is and all there ever will be and it never gets any better?
Oh soul, yes, these things might be.
But, what if DOES work? What if instead of being confused, people who matter are delighted and inspired and set free by your diversity and your passion and what if this diversity IS your brand trying to be born? What if YOU like what you make, and I mean, really, really like it? What if what you try is wonderful, beautiful, yay?! What if you succeed in public? What if you really do have what it takes—and always HAVE had it all along—the talent, the eye, the right aesthetic (what is “right” anyway?!), perserverence…it! What if you CAN do it and you have fun doing it too? What if this isn’t all there is, and all there will ever be, and what if you can’t even imagine how great it’s gonna be, just around the corner if only you bravely press forward and don’t quit?
What then, dear one? What then?